What we do not offer

The list

• A lift. Twelve of the 15 rooms are up at least one flight of the original stairs and cannot be reached any other way. One ground-floor room is step-free.
• A car park. None, no reserved bay and no dropped kerb. Street parking is metered and the garage is six minutes away.
• A restaurant. Breakfast is cooked here and there is one supper at the kitchen table on three evenings a week from October to April. That is the whole of the food offer.
• Room service. Nothing is brought to a room. There is tea and coffee on every landing and a kitchen you may use for a glass of water.
• A twenty-four-hour desk. Staffed 7:00am to 10:00pm. A late key is arranged by telephone and there is no charge for it.
• A gym or a pool. Neither, and there is no arrangement with one nearby.
• A television. Not in any room, including the suite.
• A minibar or a safe in the room. There is a safe at the desk and you are welcome to use it.
• Air conditioning you cannot hear. Every room has a unit you control; they are individual units rather than central air and they are audible when they run.
• Connecting rooms. No two rooms in this building connect. A family of four is one Attic Double or the suite, not two rooms with a door between them.
• Laundry or dry cleaning. There is a launderette four blocks away and the desk will tell you where.
• An airport shuttle. We will call you a car; we do not run one and we take nothing from the firm that comes.

Why this page exists

Because every one of those absences is discoverable on arrival, and each of them ruins a stay for somebody. A guest with a bad knee who booked an attic room, a family who assumed two rooms would connect, a traveller who planned to eat here on a Tuesday in June: all four of those are our fault if the website was silent.

The list also does something for us. A guest who reads it and books anyway has chosen this building for what it is, and that guest is not disappointed by it.

Нещата, които този хотел няма. Няма асансьор, няма паркинг, няма фитнес, няма басейн и няма румсървиз. Страницата, която изброява какво нямаме, съществува, за да не открие никой някое от тези неща при пристигане.

В тази сграда няма асансьор. Няма асансьор. Една стая на партера е без стъпала, а до дванайсет стаи не се стига без стълби.